Friday, March 20, 2009

Kansas City: The Armpit of America

You probably noticed from my recent tweets that I can't stand Kansas City (Missouri or Kansas, but especially Kansas). Normally, I wouldn't waste my time writing a blogpage about Kansas City - even to describe how much I hate it. But I'm stuck here for 3 days to watch the Tigers in the Tournament, so all the reasons why this place hacks me off are fresh on my mind.

Besides, I need something to occupy my time in the hotel room.

Their Bar-B-Que

Kansas City style bar-b-que is underserving of the name. Beef brisket drowned in too-sweet sauce tastes horrendous. The worst from Memphis is better than KC's best.

Their Restaurants In General

Are just average. There's nothing special here.

The Royals

Talk about a poorly run baseball club. The Redbirds field a more competitive team. Their owners are some of the biggest tighwads I ever met.

Their Weather

Generally awful. Even by Memphis standards.

Their Manners

Among the most poorly mannered people I've ever encountered. They make the German tourists seem downright courtly.

Their Appearance

Based on the beauty of the average citizen KC, there must be a requirement for all residents to be hit in the face with the ugly stick. Their collective waistlines suggest that everyone eats a pound or 2 of brisket every day. I also suspect that there is a city-wide ban on cosmetics and beauty shops.

In Conclusion

Frankly, I think Mike Slive was settling an old score by seeding Memphis 2 in the West and forcing me to return here. God knows the Tigers are about the only reason I'd come here (the other being if the Cardinals played KC in the World Series, but that's unlikely - see above).

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